I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
