You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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