My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
