i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
