My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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