It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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