I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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