Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize