You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
