I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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