my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
