Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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