she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
