fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looked like the before picture.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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