Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
