WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
