Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
