Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize