the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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