My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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