I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
