dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
