After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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