chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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