you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
