i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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