If that was your dad, he is hot
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
