i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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