Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
