i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
