everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my shit smells like andre
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
