There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
