I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
