remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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