I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
