Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize