I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
