we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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