There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
