look no pants
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
