Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
