You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
