Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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