I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
