seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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