There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
