Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
