and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
