just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
