Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
