Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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