While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
