just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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