i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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