I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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