You just made me feel so damn special
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need water and some morals
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
