Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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