I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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