It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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