Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
