Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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