He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My balls are so social today.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
