soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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