If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
